Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
