Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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