a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
