Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
