I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
