bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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