Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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