I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I cut my penus on the lid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
