I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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