Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
