My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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