So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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