idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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