Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
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how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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