That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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