Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
