Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nutella sex= disaster
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
