if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly