Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
