his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
