They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
