just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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