The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
