I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
