Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
