If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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