The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
