And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
