I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
