I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
do herpes really smell.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
