Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
