to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
