There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
