she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
