I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
