Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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