someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
