First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
