dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
