i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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