I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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