Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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