The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
