i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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