just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
