Joe is yelling at the trees again.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
