i would punch a child for taco bell
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
