Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
