Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
