I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
