you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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