In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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