Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
