Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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