Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
