The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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