theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
