Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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