need another drink. this is the easiest way
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
