cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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