I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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