dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
