Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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