My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
