Your dad touched me again.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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