Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
