Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
