I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
