The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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