I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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