I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so that wasnt chicken after all
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
